The Mother-In-Law who Won’t let Go

December 8th, 20106:44 am

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The Mother-In-Law who Won’t let Go

It happens.  There will be a mother-in-law who won’t be able to let their “baby”, also known as your “husband-to-be”, go very easily.  Sure she may seem pleasant and kind to you, but then there are the little signs that indicate that she isn’t quite ready to not be the main woman in his life yet, such as:

  • She calls him several times a day
  • She comes over to his/your place many times a week
  • She insists on cooking and cleaning for him or for both of you
  • She makes underhanded, cutting comments about how you are insufficient in caring for him

A bride-to-be always has a good sense of when a mother-in-law may not be able to let go, though if you have already broached the topic with you groom-to-be, it is a touchy subject that often puts him on the defense.  Here’s how you can deal with the overly-involved mother-in-law:

Coach Yourself

You have to remind yourself that, no matter how offended or put off your mother-in-law or spouse-to-be may react to you having an issue with her playing such an overbearing role in his life, when he does become married that is making a new commitment to you, which means breaking a lot of those ties with his mother.  She will still always be present in his life, but now all decisions are to be made between both you and him.  All arguments are to be discussed between you and him.  It’s you and his life together, not your, his and your mother-in-law’s life together!

Coach Him

You may have to remind your honey that his mother, while important is no longer as important as you.  He has chosen you to be his partner in life, so he has to treat you as such.  Anything that is bothering him should be spoken about with you before his mother hears anything about it.  Any problems he may be having should be discussed between you both before his mother ever becomes involved.  Going to his mother for advice for some things is warranted, such as when he needs her wisdom on things or needs an answer to something that you either do not have the answer to or have told him to ask her about.

Coach Her

It’s a difficult subject to approach, but you can gently remind your mother-in-law that the soon-to-be marriage between you and her son will mean that you are the number one woman in his life now and deserve to be respected.  As such, you would expect her to step down and become the second woman in the chain of command rather than the first.  Of course, the way you approach this and mention it your mother-in-law will depend on her own temperament that you will be quite familiar with, but always try to be as respectful as possible.  If you say the wrong thing or are cruel in any way, this will definitely come back to haunt you for many, many years.

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