The Guest List: To Invite an Ex or Not?

December 7th, 20109:40 pm

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The Guest List: To Invite an Ex or Not?

You used to date, you had a mediocre relationship so you broke it off and remained friends.  You have met up for coffee, spent evenings texting each other, BBM’ed and MSN’ed and Twittered and you’re Facebook friends. Despite all that, which would otherwise indicate that this person is a good friend of yours, is it appropriate to invite an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend to your wedding?

To Not Invite

Right off the bat, if there is any sort of a love connection that is lingering between you and your ex, you should not, by any means, invite them to your wedding.  This will not only be horrible for your ex, but your new wife or husband will definitely pick up on the vibes and it can be a serious cause of contention not only that night, but later on down the line.

Some professionals will also argue that once lovers have “loved”, or have had sex, they can no longer truly be “just friends”. Sex brings things to a whole new level. Sex brings about feelings of love and jealousy, two things that have no place at a wedding.

So how about if you have an ex-husband or an ex-wife with whom you have children?  What if you want to invite the children to the wedding (obviously) and think that the ex should come along?  One can argue that this move would actually be very confusing for the kids, as they would then have to see you, their mother or father, marrying a completely different man or woman and begin a new life with them.  It can be very distressing and also extremely awkward for your guests in attendance – especially as a lot of these guests were probably at the wedding for you and your ex, or they became well acquainted with him or her.

To Invite

Then again, we’re all adults here, right?  We can put our past feelings behind us, as some of us definitely have, and just celebrate this new relationship.  After all, a wedding is a venue for people who love each other to come together and celebrate.  Though you may not love your ex as a lover any more, you probably do still care for them on some level and want them to be there with you to celebrate your special day.

Some Other Considerations

If you do have an ex and you are thinking about inviting them, clear this with your partner first.  If he or she doesn’t feel comfortable with the idea, then it may be a good idea to axe that idea as well.  Chances are that they are not bringing their ex boyfriend or girlfriend to the wedding, so why should you?

If your ex does come along to the wedding, you want to make sure that you do not dance with your ex.  Why?  Gossip.  The whole reception will light up with rumors about how you two are “still in love” and “still care for one another”, something that neither you or your new spouse need to hear or deal with.

Categories: Budget and Basics