The Engagement: How Soon is Too Soon?

December 7th, 20109:35 pm


The Engagement: How Soon is Too Soon?

You love each other.  You have both known it since you gazed across the room at one another.  You both have felt that “heat” and that “passion” from day one.  You have been going strong for months now when your other friends have all dumped their mates.  This one has got to be meant for you… right?

There are a lot of different opinions when it comes to when the appropriate time to become engaged is.  For each person, they will “feel” that the time is right at a different time.  Some men and women feel that it is more than appropriate to become engaged after 6 months.  Some swear by the 1 year point.  Some say you have to move in first, while others will tell you that “moving in” ruins just how special the marriage will be.  So how soon is too soon to be engaged?

One statistic that was reported recently was that the longer that a couple dates prior to marriage, the better chance they have at avoiding divorce.  The concept behind this is simple: the longer you spend with someone, the better you know them, hence the better equipped you are to face any bumps on the road along the way.  This is a point that really cannot be contested, so it is something that you should take into consideration when planning or even thinking about becoming engaged.  Relationships are fantastic at the beginning. Sometimes even the first 18 months are loaded with romance and passion.  But once one or both partners have to turn their focus to other things other than their partner, such as a career or children, things can become incredibly strained and difficult.

Now here comes a popular question amongst couples: is an engagement and even a marriage more successful if we move in beforehand?  While it can be thought to be sensible to move in with someone and see how they are in their own personal environment prior to marriage, it is really more about your faith in the person and communication skills that will keep the relationship going.  If you have the ability to both talk and think things out together, compromise, and be respectful, you can truly overcome any obstacle out there.  You also have to be set on the idea that you and your partner are not getting divorced under any circumstances.

So how long should you date someone before you become engaged?  There’s a good chance that 6 months is too short of a time to really now someone enough to make a life-long commitment to someone, as is 12 months.  Most couples who date for any where from 3-5 years or longer have the best chance at making a marriage last, but remember that it really is how both you and your partner handle conflict and challenges together.  Two people will not always get along.  The articles you may read online or in popular magazines about relationships do not always apply to you.  Recognize both you and your spouse as to separate entities with a unique relationship that you will work on until the very end.