Children: A Marriage Obligation?

December 7th, 20107:26 pm


Children: A Marriage Obligation?

Of course everyone wants to be a grandparent, or an aunt, or an uncle, or they just simply want to see new life come into this earth.  As much pressure as you may be feeing to have children, it’s not something that anyone else should play any part in.  After all, it is a very personal decision that includes only two people: you and your husband to be.

So how can you deal with those who think that children are an obligation to marriage?  And how can you easily approach the topic?

Potential grandparents will be the most disheartened to discover that you won’t be having children. Explaining it to the grandparents, depending on what era they may be from, could be a bit troublesome.  Older grandparents see marriage as a means to procreate; younger grandparents see marriage as more of an expression of love rather than to have children.  Try to choose your words and tone as would be appropriate for the individual or individuals you are speaking to.  If you have any health problems that may be holding you back from having children, say so. If you have financial goals you want to reach before even thinking about babies, say so. If you simply think that children are a drain to the earth and that we have to cut down the human population, then say so.

Now you may think that the grandparents and other family members do not deserve any such explanation from you about why you do not want children, but consider this: they have had children themselves, probably with the hopes of having grandchildren or great grandchildren in the future. After all, they made the choice to have children and cannot understand why you would not.  Not only that, but explaining why you won’t have children is the beginning to the end of any “So when are you having children?” conversations that you would otherwise have to endure.

TIP: Appeasing your parents and any parent-in-laws and aunts and uncles and other family members will not put a stop to these questions, they will only ask them all the more.  Try to be honest and direct with your family members (on both sides) about whether or not you are considering, or not considering, having children.

Another important point to raise is that if you are even remotely thinking of having children, it is important to include that into what ever plan you currently have laid out for your life.  A lot of women are getting married much later these days, so putting off having children can be an almost dangerous thing.  For all women after the age of 40, the chance of having an unhealthy baby with birth defects increases exponentially. It is also harder to become pregnant the older we get (though there are intervention methods available to try and help overcome this now).  It’s important to realize that children are a blessing, and that if you choose to let that blessing into your life, you must plan appropriately; otherwise you may be left empty handed.

Categories: Budget and Basics