Sibling Rivalry and your Wedding

December 8th, 20103:13 pm

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Sibling Rivalry and your Wedding

You know your sister almost as well as you know yourself.  If you’re reading this, chances are you suspect that you may have a bit of sister-trouble during the days leading up to your wedding, and maybe even on the day of.  Your sister may be the “whiner”, or she may be the careless “indifferent” one, but that doesn’t mean that she’s a lost cause.  Here are some tips for you on how to get your sister more involved and more engaged in the wedding festivities.

The Whiner

All your life you have been dealing with this girl who wants everything that you have, even if she doesn’t deserve it.  Self entitlement may be high in this one, and she may always think that she should have exactly what you have (if not even better!).  Though some sisters grow up and out of this when they reach adulthood, there are always those few who just never seem to get past it.

You may be rolling your eyes and feel completely fed up at this point, but don’t give up hope yet.  Start off by paying extra attention to your sister and talk about what she’s doing.  Make an effort to recognize and congratulate her on her own achievements.  Make sure that your parents and any mutual friends are doing likewise too.  This will often quell a mild to moderate whiner.

If you have a strong whiner at home who just will not be appeased with extra attention, then you need to sit down and have a real heart to heart with her.  Tell her that she is important to you and that you do care for her, but remind her that this is your wedding day.  You need her attention and her support since this isn’t easy for you either.  If your sister isn’t married yet, let it be well known that you expect all eyes to be on her on her wedding day too.

The Indifferent One

You’re happy, excited, stressed out, and anxious. So what does your sister do?  Shrug her shoulders or maybe she doesn’t even have any reaction at all.  You ask for her opinion and she keeps her eyes trained on her laptop computer screen.  You’re in the middle of talking about reception venues, her phone rings, so she answers it and walks out of the room.

This “closed up shut down” behavior is usually the result of hurt, and is not a sign for a lack of love or care.  The best thing to do is to approach the topic when you have calmed down and when you no longer feel hurt by her seeming lack of concern and attention.  Make sure that when you speak to her, you are not placing blame; rather, you simply explain how you feel, such as “When I was talking to you about wedding venues yesterday and you answered your cell phone, I was hurt.  I really wanted and need your opinion.”  You can even follow up with a complimentary note such as, “You’re better at this than I am!”  If she still seems solid as stone, don’t give up.  Continue to ask her to be a part of things and let her know how you feel.  You may have a situation where she will blow up and explain why she’s been behaving the way she has, but you can then work on solving the issue together.

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